Sunday, March 28, 2010

Broken Hearted Girl

Heartbreak/Heartache is a bitch.
Like a REAL bitch.

On January 23, 2010 I was the happiest I've been.
For once I felt like everything in my life was the way it should be.
School was going well....My family and friends were doing great, and I had FINALLY gotten the relationship I had always wanted from the guy who I always wanted to be with.
After about 2 hours of drunk texting (on my half) with the longtime, off and on boo thang (who was then having the time of his life in Vegas with his friends)...he finally asked the question at 2:29am "Can you make it happen with me?"
I immediately started screaming and running around the party to find my girls and tell them that he FINALLY made it official. He even said "put it on FB..make it known".
I responded "of course I can, I've been wanting to". He then proceeded to call me and I'd never been happier to hear his voice.
That night I couldn't even sleep because I was so happy..the moment I had been waiting for for a little over 2 years finally happened.
The next few days we talked and made sure this was something that we were ready for and something we would both be committed to for the long haul.
We were both all in.
The next few weeks were great. It was great to have someone who I knew was going to hold me down and look out for me, no matter what. Even though it was a long distance relationship we were determined not to let a 2.5 hour drive get in the way of what we knew could be a great relationship.
He came to visit for the weekend and hung out with me and all my friends, and everyone loved him. All my friends kept telling me was how happy they were for me and how cute of a couple we were. You couldn't tell me a thing...I thought I had it all.

Now me and this guy had been off and on for so long because he has these periods when he doesn't want to talk to anyone. Going into the relationship I was prepared to deal with this if it happened again. However, I wasn't all that worried about it because he hadn't done it in so long, it didn't even cross my mind that it would happen now that we were in a relationship. Because in my mind, I'm thinking he must know that a relationship (especially long distance) cannot work if he 'disappears'.

Well, I thought wrong.

He disappeared, three days before Valentine's Day.
After Valentine's I thought I'd hear from him, chew him out-let him know that that behavior was unacceptable and if he wanted this relationship to continue he wouldn't do it again.

Once again, I thought wrong.

One week turned into two, two turned into three, three turned into four...and well ya'll get my drift. As I write this it has been approximately 6 and a half weeks.

At first, I was upset. []. But I realized that I wasn't the only person not able to get in contact with him, so I didn't too much sweat it. Then, I saw that he was talking to people, so I started getting in my feelings. I couldn't believe he was doing this to me. Especially after everything that he had said and done the past few weeks. I wondered, how could this be the same guy who just told me if I ever needed ANYTHING it was mine? How could this be the same guy who told me he could see "something positive" coming out of this relationship in a few years? How could this be the same guy that looked at me with so much care and sincerity in his eyes everytime he looked at me?

I had so many questions with no answers.

Even though I was beyond frustrated, poor little me still had hope. [[see what you gotta understand is..I'm what you would say 'in love' with this guy]]. I was confident that one day he would answer one of my calls, or text messages, or e-mails, or facebook messages. [[yea..I did ALL of that]]. I just knew that he would see how much I missed him, and see that I was upset and wanted to talk to him.
One sad day, I logged onto facebook and my heart sunk. I went to his page to see that he untagged himself in a picture of him and I kissing, and he had removed his relationship status from his page. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The tears immediately began to flow. Not only had he been ignoring me, but he was disrespecting me. I have no IDEA what I did for him to treat me this way. I know there are somethings in life we are not meant to understand, but THIS, THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE....

I stopped reaching out to him after that. Its almost been two weeks now since the last time I reached out to him. I know that he will be back. The question is, what am I going to do when that day comes.....
hearbreak is a bitch.

Broken Hearted Girl

No comments: