Just had to vent...

The worst thing anyone can possibly do to me is ignore me...
seriously, i hate that!!! don't ignore me! i know u see that missed called, that txt msg and watever else i did to reach out to you...
how dare u treat me as if i was never anything to u?!?!
how dare u ignore me as if I did something to YOU!?!
i could understand if I had done something to piss u off but i did nothing except try to be the perfect girl for you and make you happy...
did watever it took to put a smile on ur face...
did watever i had to to make u feel better when u were havin a bad day..
encouraged u and let u kno everything would get better...
calmed u down when u was mad...
I. WAS. THERE. FOR. YOU.
and u jus took that shit for granted...and then have the audacity to ignore me...
but yet when u saw me u loved to act as if nothing was wrong..give me false hope that maybe u were coming to ur senses...knowing damn well that u were jus playing games with my head...
THEN...when I finally stop thinking about u...finally start to get over u..u decide to txt me and throw me off all over again...
do u enjoy puttin me through this bullshit?!?!
the way u treat me now..i never would have seen it coming...
the way u USED to treat me never even hinted that u could do me like this...
the sweet txt msgs everyday...the public displays of affection..the things u said to me with soo much 'sincerity' in ur eyes...
but who cares?? none of that matters anymore..so i might as well forget that it even existed...hell i should forget YOU ever existed...
when i see you again...dont speak to me..dont look my way because
YOU. ARE. DEAD. TO. ME.

cool kids on the block...

If you have noticed I have a few links on the side of my page of my daily blogs that I check...but I just want to give them a shout out and thank them for their support of my blog...check them out..they are hot!


NICK R. DA A&R!
get ur daily dose of the freshest new music, clothes, and more...he is definitely someone you wanna kno! ((oh yea...he's my big brother! =D))
http://www.thumbsupconsulting.blogspot.com

MILAH B.aka THE LOVECRUSADER
features her daily blogs of: word of the day, get ya sneaker game up, the fly ass mofo of the week, and more....contributing writes include matt r martians and ponder matthews...hotness!
http://www.lovecrusader7.blogspot.com

LU MCCALL aka THE WRITER
check this blog out when u wanna get something for your mind!!! rememeber his name because I promise you-you WILL be reading one his books in a few years...
http://www.ohsolucius.blogspot.com

♥mercie™

sunny days.

lately, I've been going through a lot of inner turmoil...
stuff I really haven't discussed with anybody, just been keeping it to myself because I really don't know how to word it and I don't want anyone passing judgement on my emotions. I hate that..
Seriously...don't tell me how I should feel...
Anyway...
I think I'm beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel...((at least I hope so))
The other day I was hanging out with my ex-boyfriend...((we're still really good friends)) and I was telling him my situations and basically explaining to him why I really broke down crying the other day ((see previous blogs))..and he simply told me.."you're a sweetheart..don't let these situations change that about u..u have a good heart and u will be blessed so don't stress it."
Believe it or not that really made my day...because I realized he had a point...and in saying that I must shout out Lucius because he has been telling me for forever that I am one of the few good girls and I don't need to change..so to both of you..thank you.
Of course, I have to thank my girls too...ya'll have definitely been shoulders for me to cry on..without ya'll my troubles would have been even harder..even tho I didn't really explain in depth how I was hurting..
Anyway..I'm slipping off topic...lol ((damn shoutouts..lol))
But I'm getting better...I'm starting to love myself more and more...and I've realized thats why I was in so much pain...
The bullshit I had been through made me question myself..made my confidence drop..made me lose love for myself...and I should have NEVER NEVER let that happen but I did.
So now I am back on building myself back up again...
Loving myself..learning myself all over again...
and reminding myself to never forget that the best love is love for self...

I've learned from all these situations that I have been through...
I've learned that even though I am a naturally nice and caring person..not everyone deserves it..and that its okay to have a wall up because thats how you find out who is really worth being in your life because if they stay around and work on taking it down then that means they could possibly be in it for the long haul...
No worries though..I'm not going to be bitter or anything like that..and I'm definitely NOT changing...I am who I am and thats never gonna change...

The sunny days are coming..I can feel it...:D

♥mercie™

for me-when something seems too good to be true-it normally is

...and thats real talk....
its ironic...me and the guy that i used to date-which my friends called thug life cuz he had so many tats-took me the movies on our first date and we saw jumper..it was a part in the movie when the girl said-"normally in my life when something seems to good to be true-it normally is." when i heard that i 'hmphd' in agreement..thug life then looked at me and said do u believe that..and i said i sure do-and he told me well this-me and u-isnt...this is real..
HA!
aint that some shit...hmph

ive been in this terrible cycle...one no good nigga after the other-and it all started with the guy i met 2nd semester my freshman yr (the one w/ the fiancee)-then i met another guy 1st semester sophomore yr (the one who went ghost) and now this guy-2nd semester sophomore yr (the one who is soo confused)--i dont get it!! its been back to back..one hit after the other..the one minute i think i got something good going on to help me get over the guy that screwed me over before-i get screwed over AGAIN! and then im left to not only cope w/ one screw up-but two-and now three...
UGH!

and im not gonna lie..ya girl is lonely..there's a difference b/w bein alone and lonely and im not alone..nigga im LONELY! lol..i try to do things to make me forget that im lonely and things to take the loneliness away-but it doesnt work. i kno i freaked our my ex the other day cuz me and him was chillin and he said somethin and i jus broke down crying...i couldnt stop either!!! it was sooo embarassing! but i couldnt help it..i was overwhelmed with everything i had been feeling and it jus released. it was like he was giving me the attention i wanted but it wasnt what i needed...i need something real..i need what me and my ex used to have..((notice how i say used--we're jus friends now)) i jus wanna be in love and be loved-is that too much to ask?

i kno u cant rush things like that and all that good stuff..but i jus want that feeling...
and really all i REALLY want is to meet ONE guy to prove to me that they are not all the same..even if he AINT for me-i jus want to meet one to kno they exist....

but lemme stop w/ my sad ass depressing ass talk...lol

♥mercie™

im the girl

i havent really been blogging lately because for the most part ive been thinking..alot...no really..ALOT! lol
lately ive been feeling some kind of way and my friends have told me that i need to write about it..so i guess i will...lol

im the girl who has been thru hell and back and still manages to smile even though im crying on the inside...
im the girl who holds my head under the shower to disguise my tears...
im the girl who holds her head high so people won't see the pain in my eyes...
im the girl who is not alone but is so lonely...
im the girl who has been hurt time and time again and is not sure if i kno how to love anymore...
im the girl who questions her worth and wonders whats wrong with me...
im the girl who has so much to be happy about yet can't be truly happy because my heart is in too much pain...
im the girl who is on the verge of giving up...
im the girl who wonders who will save me...

♥mercie™

jus some thoughts

i dont really have a purpose for blogging today I just felt like writing.
I have a lot of thoughts running through my mind right now, and I don't even know where to start or really what I want to say. I hate when that happens. I'm having what my mom calls a brain fart..lol
I guess one thing that is on my mind is yesterday my roomie/best friend jus found out that her bf of a yr and some changed cheated on her..and not jus oops i slipped up and slept w/ this girl..but he had pretty much another relationship going on with another girl back home..it was like he was living two lives...well not like..he was.
and its shocking to me because if you knew them and him u would never think he would do something like that to her because he was always telling her how much he loved her and he would get soo mad at her when she would even accuse him of gettin to friendly with another girl..he would always say i love u too much i would never do anything like that to u...
all of that shit was a damn lie...i can only imagine the pain my roomie is feeling right now...and i wish i could do somethin to take it away from her..but i kno i cant and unfortunately its jus her time to join the heartbreak club...=[

"the worst thing about a lie is knowing that u werent worth the truth"

♥mercie™