Monday, April 12, 2010

Him walking away=me letting go

I came across a quote today and it really got me thinking. It said:

"If he was dumb enough to walk away be smart enough to let him go"

That was sooo what I needed to hear at the moment. Even though I still don't have the closure I want, I have to take that quote to the heart. There is part of me that wants to hold on and give him the benefit of the doubt but I KNOW that he doesn't deserve that.
He was dumb enough to walk away so I have to be smart enough to let him go and move on.

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Broken Hearted Girl

Heartbreak/Heartache is a bitch.
Like a REAL bitch.

On January 23, 2010 I was the happiest I've been.
For once I felt like everything in my life was the way it should be.
School was going well....My family and friends were doing great, and I had FINALLY gotten the relationship I had always wanted from the guy who I always wanted to be with.
After about 2 hours of drunk texting (on my half) with the longtime, off and on boo thang (who was then having the time of his life in Vegas with his friends)...he finally asked the question at 2:29am "Can you make it happen with me?"
I immediately started screaming and running around the party to find my girls and tell them that he FINALLY made it official. He even said "put it on FB..make it known".
I responded "of course I can, I've been wanting to". He then proceeded to call me and I'd never been happier to hear his voice.
That night I couldn't even sleep because I was so happy..the moment I had been waiting for for a little over 2 years finally happened.
The next few days we talked and made sure this was something that we were ready for and something we would both be committed to for the long haul.
We were both all in.
The next few weeks were great. It was great to have someone who I knew was going to hold me down and look out for me, no matter what. Even though it was a long distance relationship we were determined not to let a 2.5 hour drive get in the way of what we knew could be a great relationship.
He came to visit for the weekend and hung out with me and all my friends, and everyone loved him. All my friends kept telling me was how happy they were for me and how cute of a couple we were. You couldn't tell me a thing...I thought I had it all.

Now me and this guy had been off and on for so long because he has these periods when he doesn't want to talk to anyone. Going into the relationship I was prepared to deal with this if it happened again. However, I wasn't all that worried about it because he hadn't done it in so long, it didn't even cross my mind that it would happen now that we were in a relationship. Because in my mind, I'm thinking he must know that a relationship (especially long distance) cannot work if he 'disappears'.

Well, I thought wrong.

He disappeared, three days before Valentine's Day.
After Valentine's I thought I'd hear from him, chew him out-let him know that that behavior was unacceptable and if he wanted this relationship to continue he wouldn't do it again.

Once again, I thought wrong.

One week turned into two, two turned into three, three turned into four...and well ya'll get my drift. As I write this it has been approximately 6 and a half weeks.

At first, I was upset. []. But I realized that I wasn't the only person not able to get in contact with him, so I didn't too much sweat it. Then, I saw that he was talking to people, so I started getting in my feelings. I couldn't believe he was doing this to me. Especially after everything that he had said and done the past few weeks. I wondered, how could this be the same guy who just told me if I ever needed ANYTHING it was mine? How could this be the same guy who told me he could see "something positive" coming out of this relationship in a few years? How could this be the same guy that looked at me with so much care and sincerity in his eyes everytime he looked at me?

I had so many questions with no answers.

Even though I was beyond frustrated, poor little me still had hope. [[see what you gotta understand is..I'm what you would say 'in love' with this guy]]. I was confident that one day he would answer one of my calls, or text messages, or e-mails, or facebook messages. [[yea..I did ALL of that]]. I just knew that he would see how much I missed him, and see that I was upset and wanted to talk to him.
One sad day, I logged onto facebook and my heart sunk. I went to his page to see that he untagged himself in a picture of him and I kissing, and he had removed his relationship status from his page. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. The tears immediately began to flow. Not only had he been ignoring me, but he was disrespecting me. I have no IDEA what I did for him to treat me this way. I know there are somethings in life we are not meant to understand, but THIS, THIS SHIT RIGHT HERE....

I stopped reaching out to him after that. Its almost been two weeks now since the last time I reached out to him. I know that he will be back. The question is, what am I going to do when that day comes.....
hearbreak is a bitch.

Broken Hearted Girl

Thursday, October 1, 2009



I can't sleep


I listen to you breathe


I stare at you as you sleep
wondering how something so simple
could make me feel so complete


You look so peaceful
the way your chest rises
and then falls-oh so graceful


Staring at your smooth complexion
tracing your body-lusting
at the sight of your muscle definition


Placing kisses on your face
you awake
and wrap your arms around my waist
you whisper "i love you" in my ear
it takes my breath away
along with all of my fears


Listening to your heartbeat
my head on your chest
it puts me to sleep


I listen to you breathe


Thursday, June 4, 2009


Who do I have to be to make u see that I'm all u need
And that aint no other girl quite like me
Not tryin to b cocky but I'm the fuckin best
Always 10 steps ahead of all the rest
I've done everything I could think of to do
To make u see that only person I want to be with it is you
It seems like no matter how many times I say it
It never makes a difference cuz I keep dealing wit the same shit
torn like letoya luckett
Half of me wants to stay the other half wants to say fuck it
But saying 'fuck it' isn't as easy it sounds
Cuz being with u makes my heart pound
My knees get weak and my heart skips beats
I can't stand not seeing u for more than a few weeks
Forgetting about u is something I can't do
Especially not after all the shit we been thru
Things I wish I didn't kno
I found out when I committed the ultimate no-no
Going thru ur phone was something I wish I'd never done
But my trust issues got in the way and I doubted I was the only one
I played it cool like wat I read didn't bother me
But inside I was crying the tears I didn't want u to see
I had a feeling there were other girls
But I didnt trip cuz I wasn't ur "official girl"
So I acted like I didn't care cuz I was ur number one
But that wasn't good enough-I wanted to be the only one.
Silly silly me, I should have known u would be like all the rest
But its too late now to have any regrets
Being with you is something that I will never do
Cuz I refuse to ever again be your fool
I wonder if u meant all those things that u said
On those nights when u was layed up in MY bed
I thought what we had was something so real
But now I see that was never the deal
Off and on a year and a half with me
But she’s the one sayin “I love you baby”
That shit hurt me deep down to my core
I didn’t even think it was possible for me to hurt anymore
I don’t even know how I feel
Cuz none of this even seems real
I trusted my heart with you
Now what am I supposed to do?
I guess its time to pick up the pieces and move on
So with that said…baby im done.

June 2009

Friday, May 15, 2009


Everything in life happens for a reason..
I kno ur probably thinking that you've heard this like 500 million times before..but I learned that it is because it is the honest to God truth. Something that you think was so trivial could have possibly changed ur life without you even realizing it. The random people that you meet, the arguements, the break ups, the heartbreaks, the deaths of loved ones and the births of new all happens for a reason. NOTHING is by chance. You may not realize it now, but one day everything will come full circle.

Mistakes are made and lessons are learned..
AMEN! lol...If you don't make mistakes, how do you learn? Everything can't be taught from a is the best teacher you can have. We are young..this is the time to make mistakes! So that we can grow and be responsible, wise adults. Make ur mistakes..learn from them and move on! BUT WAIT!!! realize there is a difference between making a mistake and making a STUPID mistake...and I'll leave it at that...

On to the subject that plagues us young people most..LOVE and HEARTBREAK
Its been killing me these days to hear people my age say "I'm done with love" "fuck love" and all those things..
Now I can't front-I used to be one of those people..but then I really sat back and I thought about it. I am only 20 years old... 20!!!! I have only been on this earth for 2 decades and I have only lived in two places..ATL and Hampton, who am I to say I give up on love just because I've encountered my share of assholes?? I haven't even really LIVED yet to even experience true love and I'm giving up...that makes absolutely no sense at all! For those who have found love..congratulations it is a beautiful thing...for those who are still will come. Don't stress it..for what?! The more pressure you put on finding love, the harder it will become for u to find because u looking for it too hard! Have you ever dropped something, like the back of an earring, you search and search and you can't find it?? Then as soon as you stop looking for it-BOOM-there it is-right in front of your face.That's how love chill out..enjoy being young and single..LOVE WILL COME.

And we all know that with love, comes the occasional heartbreak...
Heartbreak sucks. We all know that. There is no way around that. It hurts, and it seems like you will NEVER get over it. BUt you see the heart is a phenomenal can be broken, ripped apart, torn to shreds and stomped on the ground til nothing remains but a mess...but it has the remarkable ability to heal itself and return to the condition that it was in before. Its up to you on how long that takes.


Sunday, May 10, 2009

..::LET IT GO::..

first of..I just want to start this post off by saying that God is real, and I don't understand how anyone could think otherwise, but I do respect everyone's personal views...

While I was facebook the other day, I came across something that was written by TD Jakes and it was something that I needed to read so badly. It amazes me how the right thing always comes along when you need it too...

Reading the piece by TD Jakes really gave me what I needed to keep my head up and move on from my past situation. I will post the piece at the end of the note, but I just want to post one part now that really hit home with me:

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can' t make them stay.


And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over

WOW! This really hit home with me because of the fact that it says that just because someone leaves you doesnt make them a bad person. This is very true, my DC boo is not a bad person in any shape or form, I have much love and respect for him, and I always will. I will cherish the memories that I have with him, and as in any relationship, lessons have been learned.

Let it Go by TD Jakes


There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you:


I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying withyou, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.
I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left.
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can' t make them stay.


And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person, it just means that their part in the story is over.
And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead. You've got to know when it's over Let me tell you something I've got the gift of good-bye.

It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. STOP begging people to stay.

Let them go!!

If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to ..



**OH YEA! thanks to my 804 buddy for puttin me back onto my blog game!!! LOL

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Im back!

So I kno its been a while...
but I'm going to try and get back into blogging...just give me a minute ok? LOL

see ya soon!