.trust.

he said.."trust me..i'd never do that to you."
and i'll be damned if that nigga aint turn around and do what he said he'd NEVER do...

he said.."trust me..i'd never do that to you."
i said.."ha"
he said.."y u laugh? u dont believe me?"
i said.."no..y should i? last guy that said that to me did what he said he'd never do..so what makes you so different?"
he said.."cuz i'm not him"
i said.."he said the same thing too when i asked him in the beginning why i should trust him.."
he said.."baby, you just gotta believe me.."

...well if u cant tell i have MAJOR trust issues. its not something that i'm thrilled about...but i have to have them because ive been lied to so much and i have had my trust betrayed so many times. what makes this guy so different from all the others?
he says its because he genuinely cares about me and would never do anything intentional to hurt me or betray my trust....
but how do i know he's not lying to me??
i don't. i just have to 'trust' him right??
ha.

my roommate says that i just need to let it go and just let love happen...i wish it was that easy...
how do i kno that this time around love will happen for me...i dont..and i hate not knowing...
i can't take another heartbreak...i say fuck love because love has fucked me...so how can i trust something that has let me down time and time again???

i cant.

i want to let go and just let it happen but i dont know how...i dont want to get invested to only end up back at square one like i have so many times before...
i want this one to be different..i think he is..my friends all agree that he is...i want to believe that he is different but then again i don't..i cant get hurt if i dont expect anything from him...except for him to fuck up...

thats not a good way to think tho...
ugh..this shit is wayyyy to complicated for me...lol